Hin-Huffle Hates a Whose

Asked Ee-Dwee of the List one day,
“O List, is it correct to say,
‘A fruss whose bundle-thump is such
And such’ – or is there very much
To weigh against a use of whose
For antecedents that aren’t whos?

“Should it begin ‘A fruss of which
The bundle-thump’ – or should we switch
To simpler whose despite the plain
Detail that frusses feel no pain?

“Inanimate or animate –
With pronoun whose, will either fit?
If we for things dare use a whose
Would Thistle-Thwottle cry, ‘J’accuse!’?”

Quoth Kweedle from the Burr-Burr’s lore:
“To use of which is such a bore!
The genitive of who is fine;
Such usage yields a smoother line.”

’Tis true that Burr-Burr in his book
A line from ‘Spangled Banner’ took:
Said he that when the poet wrote
Of stripes and stars, whose was the quote.

Declared Hin-Huffle to the List,
With stomping foot and clenching fist,
“I cannot, will not, write that whose –
All other options would I choose!

“Of which is dignified in style.
That’s what I favour by a mile.
The use of whose my taste does irk.
Allow me, please, my little quirk.”

Said Wump, with wagging finger long,
“Hin-Huffle, you are wrong, wrong, wrong!
The dictionaries all agree
It’s fine this way. Why can’t you see?

“Whose is the choice for proper style.
That’s what I favour by a mile.
Whatever Burr-Burr has to say
On whose, I’ll take that any day.”

Declared Hin-Huffle to the List,
With stomping foot and clenching fist,
“I cannot, will not, write that whose –
All other options would I choose!

“Of which is dignified in style.
That’s what I favour by a mile!
A whose for things fills me with hate –
Whatever Burr-Burr cares to state!!”

But mulling over Wump’s advice
She reconsidered once, twice, thrice.
She hemmed and hawed and wrestled long
With doubt: would giving in be wrong?

Would using whose just once begin
A chain of grave stylistic sin?
Where peers disdained an “ancient” taste,
Would holding out be just a waste?

Then spake Hin-Huffle to the List,
With rueful smile, her quirks dismissed:
“I sometimes will now write that whose –
Though sometimes not, just as I choose.

“I did so long pooh-pooh it, true!
But shall no more its use eschew.
My stiff opinions I’ll now bend
And, thanks to you, my ways amend.”

And so here ends our tale of whose,
Of dialogue and changing views.
Attend, O Reader, to the List,
Whose wisdom can us all assist:

Though when we feel the critics’ touch,
At first we might not like it much,
May we appreciate such mail,
And may the truth at last prevail.