You Might Be Considered A Trekkie If...

• After seeing a news story about a police shooting you wonder, for a moment, why they just didn't set it on stun.
• All babies start to remind you of Jean-Luc Picard.
• Deanna Troi can 'feel' your pain
• More than three original episode outlines are buried in your drawers
• Mr. Spock beamed down into your back yard last night and talked to you

• Phrases like 'sentient being' start creeping into your speech patterns.
• Sitting in traffic you seriously start wondering why you're using this primitive form of transportation.
• Someone tells a joke and your only comment is: "Humour, a difficult concept"
• The Outrageous Okona seems like a fine piece of writing and dramatic stylistics
• The Star Trek theme becomes background music for your dreams

• The UPS guy hands you his electronic clipboard and you're tempted to call him the "Captain's Yeoman" as you sign it.
• When you get sick you want Doctor Beverley to take care of you
• Whenever you start your car you take your right index finger and point it ahead of you saying "Engage"
• You've attended a convention wearing non-Terran vestments
• You've been paying rapt attention during those endless special effects sequences in Star Trek: The Motion Picture

• You've figured out the stardate system
• You've had actual serious thoughts about buying that $300 model of the Enterprise from the Franklin Mint
• You've had experience playing fizzbin and understanding it
• You've lectured any science professor on how transporters work
• You've memorized the crew's authorization codes

• You already know the name of every episode of season one of Star Trek: Voyager
• You always win the free slice of pizza at the local pizza place when they have Star Trek trivia questions.
• You answer your cellular flip-phone "Kirk here"
• You are able to use "variable phase inverter" in a sentence without excessive thought first
• You ask your broken computer to run a self-diagnostic

• You avoid all stores that carry Trek merchandise for fear that someone will find out about your 'addiction'. :-)
• You breed Tribbles
• You call your Psychic friends to talk to Mr. Spock
• You can name all 79 episodes of classic Trek--in order
• You can name, alphabetically, all the women Kirk seduced

• You can quote all of the Articles of the Federation
• You can trace your genealogy back to Surak
• You cannot use contractions in your speech
• You drive by a used car lot and start looking for Ferengi
• You experience indignation because the periodic table doesn't include dilithium and tritanium.

• You find yourself executing the "Picard Maneuver".
• You find yourself singing "Headin' Out to Eden" in the shower and you know all the words.
• You flip open your cellular phone and expect to hear it "chirp."
• You fly into a homicidal rage anytime people say "Star Trek? Isn't that the one with Luke Skywalker?"
• You get on an elevator full of people and have to catch yourself before you tell it what floor you want.

• You get upset when apply for a vanity license plate, and find that WRP SPD, BEAM ME, TREKKR, MKIT SO, and ENGAGE have already been taken.
• You have a copy of every Star Trek uniform shown on TV or in the movies
• You have a matter / anti-matter converter in your bathroom
• You have a shrine to Gene Roddenberry in your spare room
• You have a sudden urge to wear lots of Lycra

• You have inexplicable rock-climbing urges
• You have more than one pair of Spock ears in an old junk drawer
• You have no life.
• You have seen Star Trek The Motion Picture over 100 times
• You hire a private detective because you KNOW Guinan is here somewhere

• You join NASA, hijack a shuttle, and head for the coordinates you calculated for the planet Vulcan.
• You keep asking Scotty to 'beam you up'
• You keep forgetting that present-day elevators don't have a voice interface
• You know every word of Star Trek IV by heart
• You know the difference between "Live Long and Prosper" and "Nanu, Nanu"

• You know Yeoman Rand's cabin number
• You know you watch too much Trek when someone asks you to quote some Shakespeare and you do it in Klingon.
• You make annual pilgrimages to the Paramount lot
• You name your cat Spot and feed it feline supplement #74
• You named your first child Leonard William DeForest

• You named your second child Tiberius
• You pull the legs off your hamster so you'll have a tribble.
• You quote the Ferengi Rules of Acquisition
• You recognize more than 4 references on this list.
• You redecorate your living room to look like the bridge of the Enterprise

• You replace your Windows Program Manager font with “TNG Monitors”
• You save up money to send your kids to Starfleet Academy
• You scare your little brother by acting like a Gorn
• You see a car with a Starfleet Academy sticker and it seems perfectly normal.
• You send weekly love letters to the actress who played the Green Skinned Orion Slave Girl in episode number 7.

• You shave your head to look like Captain Picard
• You sing along with William Shatner's record album
• You sing Klingon Opera while showering
• You spend $150.00 at a convention on a piece of plastic that may or may not look like a phaser
• You spend the weekend decorating your friend's van to look like a shuttlecraft instead of going on a date with the Homecoming Queen

• You stand in line for 13 hours to get Gene Roddenberry's autograph
• You start making lists of the signs that you've been watching too much Trek!
• You start practicing raising one eyebrow in front of a mirror.
• You start saying "make it so" in casual conversation
• You start scanning shelves at local liquor store for synthehol

• You start watching commercials because so many Trek alumni are doing the voice-overs.
• You talk to your computer (Hello, computer!)
• You talk... like... William Shatner --- on purpose
• You tried to join the Navy just so you could serve aboard the Enterprise.
• You trim your angora cat's hair to make it look like a tribble

• You understand Klingon
• You use stardates on all your correspondence
• You walk to the microwave and start to order dinner.
• You want to have Worf's baby
• You went to San Francisco to see if you might bump into Kirk and crew while they were in the 20th century looking for a whale.

• You write love letters to Lursa and B’Etor
• Your college thesis was a Comparison of the Illustrious Careers of T.J. Hooker and Capt. Kirk.
• Your dream date is with Deanna Troi
• Your idea of a great evening is spouting Trek trivia for six hours with your friends
• Your major quote sources for your thesis are Shakespeare, the Bible, and "The Omega Glory"
• Your wardrobe consists of a lot of black slacks with interchangeable gold, red and blue tops.
• Your wife left you because you wanted her to dress like a Klingon and torture you for information.

Author unknown


        Copyright  ©  by Bob Yewchuk